Thursday, April 21, 2011

...between a rock and a hard place...

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

It's usually hard for me to write my problems on blogger. 
I guess I live in this fantasy world where I expect everyone to think problems never arise, or better yet, maybe they don't want to here about mine because they have their own to deal with. 
Isn't that what a blogs for though? 
I mean I've had this thing for a couple months now and I tend to just skim the border on issues I'm having, never asking for advice.
I sit down my pride and I'm asking for advice. 
I know I don't have many followers,
(and I thank every single one of you that are a follower!!!) 
so the input might not be as great as I'd hoped, but I'd really like some advice.

Here starts my story:

I know people get complacent in their marriages and I feel like the Mister and I are definitely two of those people. Things have changed majorly and I can't help but reminisce upon the days of our engagement, or even our first couple months of marriage. I knew my husband before he joined the Navy. We had actually went out on a few dates in High School and he was such a different person. It never really went anywhere and he went off to join up, and I didn't hear from him and never kept in contact either. I started working in my hometown and for his leave three years later he just so happens to come to my work and need something. We catch up and decide to go out on a date that night. The rest from there is, well ya know...
My point is, I saw the way my husband was BEFORE the Navy (even if we weren't together) and the way he acts NOW. 
I hate to say this, but I can't help but think that the cause of the majority of our problems all spring back to the military and the way he was trained to be a leader, have no remorse, hide your emotions, etc.etc.
Here in lies the problem of anger as well. 
I know most men deal with that, but my husband really struggles with it 
(also thinking stress from work can be causing this.)

I just don't know what to do anymore... 
I've tried to mention counseling, but it goes on their record and could potentially lead to a bad evaluation on an upcoming promotion. 
We tried the Love Dare, but it quickly fell flat.
I wanted to try church, but every time Sunday rolls around we just don't get around to it.

With all of this being said, I love my husband and I would go to the ends of the earth for this man, but I can't help but feel that we have forgotten what a husband and wife are to each other. 
When the days are good they're great, but when they're bad, they're bad.
There have just been little problems lately that keep building up and I don't know what to do to make things better. I've been majorly depressed for the past 6 months because of it.
Maybe I was depressed before and that is what caused this. I'm not saying it's all his fault by any means. 
I am guilty too. They're have been plenty of times where I could have just been quiet and held my tongue instead of instigating a situation to where it escalated into an argument. 
There is a scripture at the top of this post. 1 Corinthians... I try to remember everything that verse says and live by it, but sometimes we get so caught up in our own little world, we forget how much we can actually hurt someone by not respecting them and loving them.

The Mister is going underway here VERY soon, so maybe this break will give us just enough time to clear our heads for awhile.


  1. Awe hun sending hugs your way! I kind of know how this feels, but my husband was like that before we got married. We have been together almost six years, married since Oct. last yeat. Towards the end of our dating relationship we were having a hard time, him not showing emotion was a HUGE thing for me. Of course his whole family tends to hide their emotions, when mine tends to wear their heart on their sleeve. Anyways we just worked through it and as odd as it may sound the military helped us greatly. I found that being apart so much from each other made us appreciate each other. And now I think we are more in love then we ever have been. Maybe this underway will help, you guys can clear your mind and see what is really truly important. I wish I could be of more help, but thats the best advice I can give. Hope all gets better soon!

  2. I def get how you feel. R and I were together for about 3 years before he joined, and now together for over 6 years total- he has changed a lot, and the hardest ones for us are the changes he made while we were apart for 6 months between bootcamp and his first of 3 schools. R and I have I have learned that we need separation. I know it sounds weird.. but he used to do anything he could to make sure i was able to travel home at least once every six months when we were first married.. now its once a year but still something we need.
    I don't know if this is yalls cup of tea, and R and I have been trying to do this since this time last year and can't get the time. But we were going to go somewhere.. a few hours away. just us two- no laptop or phones involved. and just re-learn eachother. being our ages too, it's hard because we are still technically growing up and changing sicne we got married.
    to you. But know that you are not alone in anything! Maybe the underway will be just the thing you guys need! <3

  3. Thanks guys. I definitely do think it's that we need time apart. I feel guilty for posting this though, because everything has been perfect since. :(
    I do agree Cassie. We NEED a weekend to just us. No cell phones or video games.

  4. I know we have had this talk, and you know how I feel about the matter. I'm in a similar situation and it's hard at times. I think this lifestyle really has an effect on our hubby's, whether they choose to admit it or not. I'm hoping things get better for you guys, but the most important thing to remember is that marriage is hard work. you have to try every single day, or else its easy to let things slip by and before you know it you're so far from where you wanna be as a couple. Keep your head up girly and you know I'm always a phone call or text away! Love ya! :)